Ezerkenegdo, what a gift

By Dan Holmes

I am less than 24hrs away from watching the story of Russ Taff ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpHdjcCfrSg). That story hit home and it isn't because we struggled with the same thing. What is true is we both have valiant wives. We have different causes but we both stand because of the wife who, though having been through pain, decided we were worth it.

Russ Taff fought the pain of abuse. I walked ignorantly through a life of dispassion fueled by ASD. As I lived I created damage in my wife and family. It was mitigated by a few good times but overall the things she needed most were not something I knew how to give or understood that were needed.

How is this related to Ezerkenego or even what that is? That "compound" word shows up in Genesis 2 when God makes a woman for the man. In English the typical rendering is "a helper suitable for him" or a "helpmeet". I like the word "counterpart". Think both a companion and warrior. Also think, a bolt and a nut. Together they can accomplish what apart they cannot.

God's gift to the man so many years ago not only enabled procreation but it also created a rear-guard. The literal meaning of ezer in in Hebrew is helper. And kenedgo is 'as opposite to him" or "as against him". I believe the ambiguity is on purpose. The root 'neged' can mean both and if you search scripture you will see it used differently depending on the context. This can be a warrior protecting you from a foe or for yourself. It can also look like an embrace where the woman is watching what's coming toward your back. Or the gentlest of caress in the most intimate moments.

Like Mr. Taff I didn't understand the value of my 'helpmeet'. I didn't hear the calls of warning. I didn't hear the calls for help. I didn't recognize there were signs of distress. I blew right through stop signs and yield signs and dangerous curves. Discounting those was discounting her. Eventually she grew weary and the toll on her and her soul were too much. She couldn't fight for us because the need to survive out weighed the 'us'.

Giving it a few (or more) years, I started to 'see' her and others. The (emotional) abuse and betrayal were in the past. I was new. I am starting to live like. She, however was still reeling from the pain. The one who once fought for me and us was now a shell of herself. She couldn't become what she once was without her own healing and time.

What God meant for good, I ignored and disregarded. Not out of malevolence but from ignorance. As time has allowed, we have grown together. Different but good and growing towards great. Just as you see in the Russ Taff biopic, it became a choice of both of us to continue. I was lost without her and she was depleted by me. However she chose us; gave us a second chance and here we are.

I enjoy and savor a woman that is capable and smart and strong and willing to tell me the truth. I always have. However, I wasn't always willing to see her free to do those things. I thought I was but it never was communicated that way.

Now. We are partners. Equals. A true counterpart that enables the best in both of us. It took godly repentance, time and consistency to show that the me now isn't the me of then. I had to give her time and show it. Watch the movie it was the same as for Russ' wife. She had to see he was different and it wasn't simply a single moment. It was a lasting change and that change had to persist. It didn't need to be perfect. It needed to be honest; it needed to be open. I needed to share the person I am and be willing and open to the person she is.

God gave me a gift and late in life I am only now understanding that. She is a wonderful gift and only the God of all creation could have matched me to such a wonderful woman, helper, warrior, champion, counterpart and companion.

I very much encourage you to watch Russ Taff's story. Watch how what he did affected his family regardless of his success. I am a better man since recognizing God's love for me just as it was transformational for him.