Summary of Jeremy & Charity’s Rochford Chapter 10 in Uniquely US
As we’ve walked through this chapter together, I’m sure you’ve noticed that we’ve had our fair share of lighthearted moments. But amidst the fun, we can’t ignore the times when Charity and I found ourselves lost, confused, and needing direction. Raising neurodivergent children has been a journey that’s often filled with challenges. With few resources available from a Godly perspective on how to navigate this path, we decided to turn to the one source we knew would never lead us astray: God’s word.
Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV) teaches us, “For the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” This verse became our compass, guiding us through the often rocky terrain of parenting two neurodivergent children. We realized that if our hearts were aligned with the fruits of the Spirit, the right strategies would surely follow. In this blog, we’re going to break down each of these spiritual fruits and share how we’ve applied them in our parenting, hoping you’ll be inspired to do the same.
Parenting in Love
Love, in all its forms, is foundational to any relationship, especially between parents and their children. We all want our children to feel that we deeply care about them, to know that we enjoy their company, and that we have genuine affection for them. But with neurodivergent children, showing love often means learning to meet them on their terms, not ours.
I had dreams of bonding with my children over things I loved, like hockey and NASCAR. But as they grew, they developed their own unique personalities, likes, and dislikes. My son loves Legos, so part of loving him means taking an interest in his builds and engaging in his world. My daughter loves theater, so I found myself voicing her stuffed animals during bedtime prayers. These are not activities I ever pictured myself doing, but they’re ways I can show love by connecting with them in ways that matter to them.
(Charity) For me, love comes naturally as a mother, whether it’s through hugs, snuggles, or being the one who crafts with them, watches movies together, or sews costumes for their plays. I take joy in the things they love, even if it means listening to the same song on repeat at a volume that would give Jeremy a headache. What are some ways you show love to your children, and are there areas where you could try something new?
Parenting in Joy
Joy is foundational to the Christian life, yet it’s often elusive, especially in the chaotic moments of parenthood. In our home, I’ve made an effort to reflect joy in my body language and tone of voice, even during moments of frustration. I want my children to feel that their presence brings joy, not burden, to our lives.
(Charity) I’m a Disney-loving adult who finds joy in things others might consider childish. But I’ve learned that this is okay! It’s okay to collect toys, sing loudly during car rides, and decorate our home with things that bring happiness. Our house doesn’t look like anyone else’s—it’s filled with Star Wars rugs, Mickey Mouse décor, and a giant Kermit the Frog painting. But it’s our joyful sanctuary. By living joyfully, I’m showing my children that life can be enjoyed, even if it looks different from the norm. How do you express joy in your home, and are there new ways you can bring more joy into your parenting?
Parenting in Peace
If there’s one thing our home often lacks, it’s peace—at least, in the traditional sense. Both of our children are loud; my son, due to his autism, struggles with voice modulation, and my daughter loves to project when she sings. But I’ve learned to bring peace into our home by working on my own self-regulation. I remind myself that I need to come from a place of balance and calm to help my children navigate their emotions.
Curiosity has also become a key to maintaining peace. Instead of jumping into anger when the kids act out, I’ve learned to ask, “Why are they behaving this way?” This simple shift in perspective has led to much more peaceful interactions.
(Charity) I get to experience peaceful moments during bedtime or when our children need to calm down. We’ve created playlists that help them self-regulate, from peaceful Disney piano music for our son to ukulele and rain sounds for our daughter. What are some ways you can parent with peace, and are there new methods you could try?
Parenting in Patience
Patience, defined as the ability to tolerate trouble or delays without getting angry, has been one of my biggest challenges. Being autistic myself, I often react emotionally and jump to conclusions without asking the right questions. Parenting has forced me to confront and modify these behaviors, ultimately making me a better father.
(Charity) Patience for me is a lesson in managing expectations. Some days, I feel like I’m doing great—teaching my kids math at the fabric store by calculating sale prices. Other days, I’m losing patience when a quick trip turns into a meltdown over something small. It’s a constant lesson that just because something worked once doesn’t mean it’ll go smoothly next time. What are some ways you parent with patience, and are there ways you could improve?
Parenting in Kindness
Kindness is something I’ve had to consciously work on. As an autistic, I struggle with “theory of mind”—the ability to understand others’ thoughts and emotions. But just like any skill, kindness can be learned and improved. As I’ve grown in understanding the needs of others, particularly my children, I’ve become more empathetic and compassionate.
(Charity) For me, kindness goes hand in hand with empathy. In my HR career, I learned to put myself in others’ shoes and give them the benefit of the doubt. I do the same with our children, always trying to understand the “why” behind their actions. Like the time our son mooned our Bible study group after watching the movie Brave—he wasn’t trying to be bad, just mimicking something he saw. That moment required a lot of kindness and understanding! How do you parent with kindness, and what new approaches could you consider?
Parenting in Goodness
Raising our children with a moral foundation has always been important to us. But it wasn’t until I started modeling good behavior—showing joy, peace, and patience—that I saw a change in my kids. They began to mimic the good behaviors they saw in me.
(Charity) Since our kids are autistic, we’ve had to be creative with discipline. For example, we banned the word “actually” in our house because our daughter used it to correct others constantly. By removing the word, she learned to pause before criticizing, and this small change helped foster more kindness and goodness in her interactions. What are some ways you model goodness in your parenting?
Parenting in Faithfulness
Faithfulness, particularly in keeping our word, is crucial in teaching our children about trust and reliability. We’ve realized that our consistency in following through on promises and consequences shapes how our children will perceive not just us, but also God. If we’re not faithful in our words, how will they trust God to be faithful?
(Charity) Sticking to our word can be tough, especially when it comes to enforcing consequences. But we’ve learned that consistency is key, not just for discipline but also for rewards. Our children constantly remind us of promises, and they’re also paying attention to whether we follow through on consequences. How do you show faithfulness in your parenting, and what areas might need more consistency?
Parenting in Gentleness
Understanding my own autism has given me a deeper appreciation for my children’s struggles. Living in a world that isn’t designed for neurodivergent people is challenging, and I want to be a safe, gentle presence in their lives. I know firsthand what it’s like to feel overwhelmed, and this understanding drives me to be kind, tender, and patient with my children.
(Charity) Gentleness comes into play when we remind our children to be gentle with others. It’s important to recognize that autistic children often experience emotions differently. We’ve learned to respect their boundaries and emotional responses rather than trying to conform them to what we think they should be. How do you parent with gentleness, and are there areas where you could improve?
Parenting in Self-Control
Parenting has taught me more about self-control than any other experience in my life. I’ve had to learn to regulate my own emotions before I can expect my children to regulate theirs. Whether through prayer, breath-work, or taking a few minutes to calm down, I’ve learned that my ability to model self-control directly impacts my children.
(Charity) Cooking dinner while juggling sensory overload—pots boiling, fans running, and kids asking questions—is my personal test of self-control. I’ve learned to recognize my own dysregulation and work on controlling it. This helps my children see that self-control is something we all struggle with, but it’s something we can work on together. How do you parent with self-control, and are there methods you haven’t tried yet?
As we’ve shared in this chapter, our family is far from perfect, but that doesn’t stop us from trying. Raising neurodivergent children has been different than we expected, but it’s led to experiences we wouldn’t trade for anything. If you’re parenting a child on the spectrum or navigating your own autism diagnosis, we’d love to connect. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey.
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